Pity Me, Love Me, Revive Me
by QuirkCirc
Summary: Jennie Moore: broke-ass Uni student just trying to make something of herself without screwing everything up. Pfft, yeah right. Given a second chance by a hot demi-god, Jennie sets out to make a new name for herself, er, himself as Zaku Uzumaki. Armed with a fugly stuffed rabbit, the haunting memories of a dead Uzumaki misfit, and a non-confrontational attitude maybe she'll live.
1. Bunny-chan

**A/N: So, me and bestie came up with a ridiculous Naruto OC and this is me taking it for test run on a very used trope. Enjoy my science experiment.**

I think everybody, at some point in their lives, imagines how they would like to die.

Well, at least _I_ thought about it when I wasn't working or studying my ass off. I used to think that maybe I'd go out with a big bang like, for example, after heroically saving some little old lady while defeating an armed purse-snatcher with only my bare hands and superior awesomeness; I would jump in front of her at last second, becoming a sacrificial idol that would be recognized for years to come. Maybe, just _maybe,_ I'd become a national icon for justice, overshadowing Superman in the process.

…

…

…

Pfft, yeah right. Like that would ever happen.

My death would probably involve me being overworked to death in the huge hospital I slave, er, _work_ at. It'd take them days just to figure out I'd gone missing. Seriously! The place is ginormous! With interconnecting hallways and no signs to guide the hopeless, it was like something out of _The Maze Runner_. Yup, they'd probably invent some ridiculous ghost story about Jennie, the shy nurse who died all alone in the laundry room. It'd probably spook a few newbies until they eventually forgot about me.

Anyways, everything we have ever thought, said, believed, or done is moot when your heart gives out on you and your raking in that last breath.

Some people see their entire life flash before their eyes. From the moment they are born to the last second until they are dead. Some people see the Grim Reaper, God, Valhalla, a shitload of beautiful virgins, or a blazing inferno. Others see a light at the end of tunnel with a loved one beckoning them over. I like that one. But you know what? You know what I'm thinking right now? You know what I'm seeing? And it ain't Grandma, that's for sure.

 _"_ _What the hell is that?"_ I found myself thinking. That was all I could do. Think. Couldn't move, couldn't talk. It was like all my senses had been dulled to the point where I couldn't feel anything. I don't have a body which freaks me out a little but that's quickly blotted out by the ugliest fucking stuffed animal you would _never_ want to see.

It was a faded shade of pink with ridiculously long ears that dragged behind it. Balls of lint clung all over the bunny's body from way too many washes. Which explains why it was so faded. Ugh, but its eyes. Ew. Its eyes were a disgusting puke-green color and one of it's marble orbs hung down by a single thread next to it's whiskered cheek. The eye-blinding neon orange bow hanging loosely from it's neck added to it's repelling appearance.

It is the fucking ugliest bastard my poor eyes have ever had the displeasure of seeing.

I don't curse much. I'm a naturally introverted person with a non-existent temper and a squeaky clean record to boot. But there comes a time in every man and woman's life to-

 _"_ _Ah! FUCK! No no no no! It's coming over! Shitty shitshitshishitshit."_ I panicked. If I had legs I'd probably be running like a bat outta hell. I could only watch helplessly as it hovered over to my location.

 _"_ _GetawayfrommepleseohgodhavemercyonmymousesoulIt'sheeeere."_ The stuffed rabbit came to a stop a foot away from me. I would have exhaled in relief if I could. However, now that it was closer, I could feel something warm seeping from it and into my body. Well, I can't even feel my body but the warmth settling in my still heart was comforting. A sense of nostalgia overcame me and I fought back tears.

"Bunny-chan." My mouth, if it was even there, didn't move. The voice echoed around throughout the darkness until eventually reverting back to me. The voice was soft almost feminine, not unlike my own. But it was a tone deeper, with a masculine tint. Which was odd, considering the voice said 'Bunny-chan' of all things which was _so_ not manly.

Slowly the warmth emitting from the hideous toy began to fill me. It's was a odd sensation like a balloon being inflated with hot air. I was the balloon and that hot air was the nice feeling coming from the ugly-as-fuck rabbit.

Feeling came back to me and I could see the bridge of my nose now. I felt like crying. You never how much you'll miss your nose until it's gone. I lifted my hands, my arms felt like lead but that didn't stop me, and touched my face. The action was sloppy and I felt exhausted after such a small feat. Makes me wonder how winded I would be if I picked my nose. Not that I do, of course! That would be gross. Not to mention improper and just plain icky. Besides, what would I do with a booger? Flick it and watch it swirl around me in wherever-I-am.

 **"** **Jennie Moore."**

I whipped my head around upon hearing my name.

 _"_ _BRAIN OVERLOAD! I REPEAT: BRAIN OVERLOAD!"_ I could only stare at what had to be the world's sexist man. Scratch that. The sexiest man in the entire universe. He was gorgeous. He had sparkling blue eyes that you only see in anime or fanfiction. The kind of blue you only see on cloudless, sunny days. A nice toned chest that was revealed by the tight yukata he wore. At least I think that's what it is. Who knew my anime knowledge would come in handy one day? His hair, though. I have a thing for hair. Every guy I have ever pined after has always had spiked hair. I adore spiky hair. It is the epitome of sexy. No questions, please! This guy's hair was perfectly spiked up in a way I've only seen anime dudes pull off. It was a nice shade of honey brown too. I sighed dreamily. I could just eat this motherfucker up.

His plump lips upturned into a smirk, " **Close your mouth or you'll catch flies.** "

Like the obedient girl I am, I immediately shut my mouth. The man placed his hands into his sleeves and walked over with all the elegance of a gazelle. I could feel my face heating up even more as he stood in front of me.

" _So hot. Oh gawd, look at that sexy beast- okay, Jennie, whatever you do don't faint._ " I sucked in a deep breath in a pitiful attempt to get some much needed oxygen to my malfunctioning brain. _"I repeat: don't faint in front of the sex god standing before you. Don't faint. Don't faint. Don't faint. Don't faint._ " I repeated the mantra over and over inside my jumbled mind. The man smiled. I swear I saw white spots in the corner of my eyes. " _Don't faint!_ "

 **"** **Hello, Jennie Moore."** He took a step back. I blinked away the dizziness and stared at him. What else could I do? My brain was fried! The mysterious man clasped his hands behind his back and looked at me curiously. **"Do you remember how you died**? **"**

I blinked. Oh yeah…that's right… _I'm dead_. The confirmation of my death was almost comforting as it was terrifying.

I opened my mouth to respond but couldn't find my voice.

Oh crap.

I'm pitiful.

 _"_ _Hey…now that I think about it…I can't remember a thing."_ I had spent who-knows-how-long hovering around and milling through the void with just my thoughts for company. I knew I was dead. I know with utter certainty that my heart had stopped. What else would explain this weird place unless somehow I was thrown into a completely empty anti-gravity chamber and given anesthesia? That was possible…but highly unlikely.

Mustering all my strength from my increasingly fatigued body I shook my head. The beautiful man hummed, a confused expression settling on his face that probably matched mine. **"How odd. Do you remember anything from your life?"**

I frowned and mentally shifted through my memories. "Uh, maybe? I think so."

I know my name. Jennie Moore. I work, er, _worked_ at a clinical hospital in California. I am twenty two years old. I own the most awesome cat in the world: Tubby. Ignore the weird name. I live alone, okay! I was studying for doctorate degree. I don't have much friends and I don't have any family. Being a orphan does that. Oh, yeah! My hobbies are baking, helping people, and watching anime. My favorite anime is Naruto. Beelzebub is my second. I love babies.

I looked back at the man in front of me. Now that I was looking at him I could faintly detect a golden aura softly illuminating the area around us. I opened my mouth again.

"Y-yes." I cleared my throat. My mouth was so dry. "But I don't know how. ya know, how I…I… _d-died_." I winced when the word fell off my tongue, leaving a bitter taste behind. The man nodded.

 **"** **I see. I think it is better that you do not know."** My eyebrows furrowed. Better? Did I die in some horrible accident or did I-

I blanched, imagining the scene of me slipping on a forgotten cat toy and falling several stories off my apartment balcony to my death. Oh, how embarrassing. Oh wait! What if I choked on a gummy bear? I almost did that in the third grade one time. Luckily I had tripped and skidded on the asphalt, landing hard on my back and popping the sucker right out of me.

I looked into the stranger's eyes. The slight pity and amusement I found in his dreamy orbs is all the proof I needed. My shoulders slumped down, partly due to defeat and self-pity and the other half because I felt really drained. Like I'd been on a sugar-high rampage and now I was on my last gram of energy.

"That bad, huh?" The spiky-haired man nodded hesitantly. He was silent while I mourned over my klutzy self.

 **"** **You are one of my favorites, Jennie Moore."**

I gave him my you're-utterly-insane-but-please-do-explain look. The puzzlement overshadowed any girlish feelings I had that this hot mess actually liked me in some way.

Seeing my facial expression he explained, **"You were always so interesting to watch. Whether you were timidly hiding around corners and in dumpsters from your neighbors and co-workers or just simply tripping over a stray textbook, you never failed to amuse me, Jennie Moore."** My face was on fire. This guy, this outrageously sexy man-god has been watching me!? I slapped my hands to my flushed cheeks. Did he see that one time I slammed my face into that kid's locker? Did he see the time I mistakenly confessed my feelings to the wrong boy? (That has been so awkward, having the scariest boy in school stalking me for more than a week.) Oh please no! Let it not be that time I accidentally squirted apple juice all over that police officer after I accidentally slapped his junk. Gawd, that was cop was nice about it though, even offered to buy me a drink and give me a lift to my place after I had totaled my car. Too bad I had fainted right after. I ended taking up the free ride. Unfortunately, I was unconscious the whole time.

The very attractive man laughed upon seeing the various emotions flicker across my face. Hey! What can I say? I'm an open book. I also suck at poker.

 **"** **See?"** He motioned to me. **"That is why, as my favorite mortal since the Renaissance, I have decided to give you a second chance."**

"A second chance?" I asked. "As in I get to live again?" Hope filled my chest.

 **"** **Yes, however I am not all-powerful nor the creator of this world. I am a mere tool for my superior. I cannot grant you back your old life and body."** At my crestfallen look he decided to speak again. **"But I** ** _can_** **grant you a new life in a different universe. Though, if you wish, you may reject my gift and go on to next world to rest peacefully for all eternity."**

I blinked. Wow. This a lot to think about. Okay, I could get another shot at life in entire new universe with infinite possibilities and make this gorgeous being happy or spend forever in tranquility.

"I think I'll choose the former, please." I nervously wrung my hands. Did I sound greedy? I hope not.

The man suddenly breamed brightly. **"Excellent!"** Suddenly the light around him began eating away at the emptiness surrounding us until it was completely consumed by light. I closed my eyes to shield myself from blinding white. My body, losing the last of its strength, fell to the ground like a dead weight. I didn't even know this place had a floor. I assumed I was still floating around like some cupid.

I winced. My whole body hurt. I cracked open my eyes. My head felt light and my vision was fuzzy, but I could just make out the man's silhouette.

 **"** **Goodbye, Jennie Moore. I wish you luck."** He titled his head up, looking at something over me. **"Ah, yes. I may have to give you more than luck where you're going. Do not fret. I will watch over you closely this time. The Naruto Universe is a dangerous one."**

 _"_ _NARUTO?! He's sending me to the Naruto universe?_ " I didn't know whether I would have jumped for joy or shat myself. But that didn't matter now. All the stress caused by the confusion had finally won through and my eyes shut in exhaustion.

Before I lost consciousness I couldn't help but feel sad. Come, on! I was letting the sexiest man, deity, whatever slip through my fingers. And he liked me! Damn my shy tendencies.

I sighed and let the darkness overtake me. Again.


	2. Oh, Where Art Thou, Tatas?

**A/N: Oops, accidentally uploaded my unedited version of this chapter. My bad. SORRY! Can't believe some of you are actually reading this crap lol**

I grunted. Something _really_ heavy was sitting on my chest. I heaved, trying to push the thing off. It didn't budge. Great, my cat probably fell asleep on top of me after eating the turkey again. I wheezed and tried again. Argh! When did my cat get so fat? And why was was he so hard and cold? Jeesh, no catnip for little furball today! Nu-uh. I tried again but to no avail. It was like trying to push... a boulder...

...

...

...

Hold on a sec...

Something nagged at the back of my head. I carefully reached up and felt the thing on my chest. My fingers wandered over the cold, rough grooves of - _"oh my"-_ the rock sitting idly on top of me. I exhaled slowly, trying not to panic. This wasn't normal. Well, for me, anyway.

Wait.

 _"Where am I again?"_

I blinked my eyes and looked around. It was really dark in here, but not as dark as that other place-

My heart seemed to just stop. Memories of the super hot guy, the ugly rabbit thing, and the conversation we had came flooding back. My head reeled as I processed all the information.

" _The Naruto universe, huh? Oh._ " Dread sank into bones. _"I'm so dead. Again. For the second time._ " I shook my head, feeling my hair brush against my cheeks. Nope. There is no way I am going to die again. I already died once, no need to do it again. Who's to say I'd get a _third_ chance because getting a second chance was already pushing it. _"I need to focus! First thing first: where the hell am I?"_

With renewed conviction, I tried to get a better understanding of my situation.

 _"Okay, I can do this! It's um dark...and dirty and uh very um well, I can't breathe very good."_ The air was stale and warm. It was getting difficult to breathe and the million ton rock weighing down on me wasn't helping anybody, especially not me. Perfect, I'm probably going to die of monoxide poisoning this time around.

Seriously though, I had to get out of here. There was hardly any air and the rock felt like it was getting heavier. Or maybe my senses were just starting to wake up?

Something like a crack resounded in the area I was in and the boulder sank downward. I gasped and kicked my legs weakly. No, no the rock was definitely moving and from the feel of it I probably come out with some bruised ribs. If I came out at all, that is. I took in a measured breath and tried to get a feel for my surroundings.

I could feel rocks and little pieces of debris under so that meant I must be outside, somewhere near a landslide or something like that. I sighed. Figures that the handsome jerk would send me into a body that was half-dead. Probably laughing his ass off and eating popcorn from some divine movie theater.

This could end two ways: in a _Shawshank_ worthy escapade or in excruciating pain.

I placed my hand on the rock above me and pushed again. Nothing. I tried again, my muscles straining under the unbearable weight. My chest was _really_ starting to hurt. I sucked in a quick breath and pushed. The rock moved a little, but my arms gave out and the thing slipped from my grip.

 **CRACK!**

I screeched in pain and dug my nails into the dirt. I gasped silently in pain, willing the hot flash to go away. I lay there for some time- writhing and whimpering in agony. The pain slowly subsided as my oxygen-needy brain decided it had bigger shit to deal with. Like getting out of here in one piece, for starters. Or at least alive.

My mind cleared a bit and I was able to coherently form thoughts again instead of screaming mindlessly, "FOR _THE LOVE OF FUNNEL CAKES! THAT FUCKING HUUUURT! GAH! ShIT"_ Although, my new thought process wasn't much different than what I'd been thinking moments before- just with less cursing. I bit my lip, my breaths coming in short, quick takes. I guess this is how astronauts felt like in those movies when they're running low on oxygen but with less pain and more epic floating.

 _"N-Need air._ " I thought, gathering all my strength into pushing the boulder off me once again. _"I will not die in this miserable cave thingy! One,"_ the jagged edges of the rock bit into my palms, _"Two,"_ my arms trembled violently, _"THREE!"_

The fact that the rock actually moved this time did surprise me. But what surprised me more was the freaking glowing light coming from my hands as I sent the boulder and some rubble flying through the air. I heard a whistle as the pile of debris sailed through the air and the ginormous crash it made once it reunited with the Earth.

I blinked owlishly, " _Wow, now that's what I call inner strength! Was that ...my chakra?"_

I sat up slowly. A sharp pain erupted from my chest as I took in a few breaths of fresh, carbon-dioxide-free air. I placed my hand where it hurt and winced. I definitely broke something in there. My hands roamed my torso, all my medical training coming back, as I checked for injuries. I frowned, feeling a dented chest plate. I looked down and stared. I squinted my eyes. Was I in the dark for so long that it affected my eyesight or...?

I gulped, but it felt like something was lodged in my throat.

Something wasn't right. Sure, my secret admirer had said that I wouldn't appear back in my old body but still; there was something, I don't know, _off_ with my new body.

My eyes widened. _"Oh no. No no no no!"_ My hands were a blur as I stripped off the heavy chest plate and my shirt.

I could only gaze down in horror. My mouth opened and closed soundlessly. Finally, after an eternity of war against my vocal chords, a strangled cry escaped my lips.

 _"Where are they?! They were just here, I swear- oh god no. I-I can't do this."_ I patted my flat chest repeatedly. Tears streamed down my face. They were gone. Forever. Never to be seen again. A choked sob racked my body.

Where the hell were my boobs! _"Okay, take in a deep breathe. Yeah, that's it. Hold it and exhale slowly, Jennie. There is no need to panic because my TITS ARE FUCKING MISSING ASDFGHJKL!"_

I clamped my hands over my mouth despite having shouted mentally. What was wrong with me? I've never gotten so worked up before. Sure, the moment certainly could excuse my vulgar mental exclamations but that's not how I usually worked. Usually, I just lie down and cry. I don't hissy fit or swear like a raging soccer mom who's son just lost a practice game and was now planning legislative warfare against the whole country.

I closed my eyes. I needed to clear my head and calm down before an anxiety attack overtook me. Not that it wouldn't be warranted. This whole thing was going to give me an aneurysm and a second early death. Besides my freaking out was normal for having to deal with the stress of dying and being revived in the body of some random Joe. Yup. A bad case of universe homesickness and gender dysphoria.

I hiccuped and continued with my check up once I felt saner. I probed my body and discovered I had four cracked ribs among some other minor injuries. My eyes widened with fear but I quickly forced it down. I couldn't panic now. First thing first was to patch me up as best as I could so I didn't die of an infection. Then I could freak out about all this crazy voodoo shit later.

I grunted and shakily looked around. It was freezing out here. Oh well. At least the air smelt nice. Kind of salty and with a hint of freshly upturned dirt.

I turned my head from side to side. Wherever I was the place was an utter disaster zone. Buildings and homes had been laying demolished and overgrown with vegetation. Looked like a serious battle had occurred here; I could see some rusted weapons lying around. Most of them were broken or corroded beyond all use.

Holding my aching abdomen, I began slowly trekking forward. There was a partial building still standing proud and defiantly among its fallen brethren. I was panting now, the pain in my chest worsening. I could feel all kinds of wounds all over my beaten body reopening. I sighed in relief when I made it under the roof of the small property. I don't think my body could have handled much more. I dropped onto my bottom and looked down at myself again. A strangled whine escaped my throat upon seeing my flat chest. Why on earth was I inside a guy's body of all things!? I would have been perfectly content inside a baby or even a mouse just as long as it was _female_.

I groaned. So far my second chance sucked. I was inside the body of a boy ( _man_ , I corrected myself because these abs were _mighty fine._ Damn son!), in a foreign land- _universe_ -, and no way of surviving whatsoever. My survival instincts were mostly made up of my leftover paranoia when I went through this phase where I believed that the tooth fairy was some psycho bitch who was just waiting to yank off and harvest my teeth with a set of rusty pliers. _And_ steal my piggy bank, while she was at it. Another thing, my body didn't look like it would last much longer. There were several deep gashes and dark, ugly bruises all over me. So, yeah, this really sucked balls.

Hesitantly, I began rifling through the pouches attached to my waist. I found a dozen kunai knives, one shuriken, a roll of ninja wire, a scroll, and some bandages. The weapons I could maybe use later. Just in case the need ever arises and I have to fend off a rabid squirrel. Anything bigger than my head would probably kill me out of pity. Hopefully, that would never happen because I don't handle the whole kill-or-be-killed thing very well. Besides, how much damage could an inexperienced twenty-two-year-old female stuck inside a dude's body could do? Not much.

The scroll was off limits. I don't have the slightest clue what could spring out of there and I don't know how to summon my chakra all that well yet. The other incident was a complete fluke and probably caused by my desperation to _survive!_ The bandages were the only useful thing at the moment.

I raised my head in the direction of my discarded clothing I had left behind in my rush of...discovery. I would pick it up later after I rested. I didn't feel like face-planting just for modesty's sake.

I tore a strip of clothing off my tattered black pants and used it to wipe away the grime and dirt off my wounds. Wincing and muttering hushed curses under my breath, I wrapped the roll of bandages around my mid-section. Tomorrow I would search for a river or something to wash my body off because, to be frank, I stink. Also, I don't really fancy getting an infection out in the middle of nowhere.

I leaned back and rested my head on a patch of grass growing through a crack in the floor. My eyes closed but just before they slid shut I caught a glimpse of a round swirl-shaped emblem carved into a protruding piece of rubble. I smiled. What were the odds of that, huh? Seeing the Uzumaki symbol in a bunch of ruins. Weird. I thought nothing more of it as I fell asleep, weary from the day's shocking discoveries.

~XoXoXoXoXoXoXo~

I awoke the next day to the sound of birds cawing and little critters scurrying through the wreckage. I yawned loudly and stretched. My back and neck ached from sleeping on the floor, but besides that I felt...fine. Good, actually. Maybe a little hungry.

I hummed quietly and stood up. I was expecting pain but was pleasantly relieved when I felt none. My torso and limbs were sore but that was it. Curious, I pried loose my bandages and felt my jaw drop to the floor. Where there had been oozing blood and dark angry bruises there was now only a handful of scabs and the bruising had gone down to a light blue. I checked my arms and found only healed skin. I blinked and blamed it on the strangeness of the Naruto universe. Yup, had to be that. A breeze made shiver.

A breeze made shiver. Right, almost forgot about the rest of my clothes

 _"Time to get my stuff."_ I walked over to the pile of rocks where I had first awoken. There was dried blood on the ground and my abandoned clothing, but nothing else from what I could see.

I put back on the red shirt and the dented armor for both protection and because I was used to the sensation of something pressing against my chest, like my bra. I sighed happily once I was fully dressed. I felt naked and exposed just walking around in my pants and sandals. Sure, I was now a guy and didn't need to cover up but old habits die hard I guess Besides, the body I was in was strangely feminine despite not being female. My frame was lean yet strong and my hips were almost girlish. I feel bad for the poor guy and all the teasing he must have endured. Hopefully, he was in a better place and wouldn't hate me for taking over his body for a bit.

Just then something shiny caught my eyes. _"Huh?"_ I bent over and brushed aside some pebbles and leaves. I reached forward and grabbed the red cloth laying beneath the dirt. I dusted it off and felt my eyes widened. It was a ninja headband with a single spiral swirl. The metal plat glinted faintly under the light layer of rust. Something overcame me, a sense of pride mixed in with anguish, and I gripped it tightly. There was something about the headband… like it was _mine_ but at the same time, it wasn't mine. Hesitantly I reached up and tied it against my forehead. It felt right. My tense shoulders relaxed.

I sighed and looked down. There was something else in the broken earth. I reached down again and pulled.

 _"NO!"_ I gasped in horror and let go. "Bunny-chan!?" I found my gentle yet baritone voice exclaim in surprise. I yelped, grabbing my throat. It was that same voice from before! The one I heard in that dark place. I took another deep breath to soothe my racing heart and picked up the rabbit again. It was filthy and fucking hideous as ever yet it felt soft and soothing beneath my calloused fingertips. Quickly, looking around for any onlookers, I stuffed the toy in one of my empty pouches. It's head and ears hung limply outside the pocket as if admiring the view. I shook my head. What was I thinking? Deciding to carry around that thing? What if someone saw it? I made to grab it and chuck it away into the foliage...but...I just couldn't.

I jumped in suprise as heard my new voice for the first time. It was a soft baritone.

"W-What!?" I yelped, grabbing my throat. It was that same voice from before! The one I heard in that dark place. I took another deep breath to soothe my racing heart and picked up the rabbit again. It was as filthy and fucking hideous as ever, yet it felt soft and soothing beneath my calloused fingertips. Quickly, looking around for any onlookers, I stuffed the toy in one of my empty pouches. Its head and ears hung limply outside the pocket as if admiring the view.

I shook my head. What was I thinking? Deciding to carry around that thing? What if someone saw it? I made to grab it and chuck it away into the foliage...but...I just couldn't.

I bit my lip. Well, I couldn't just leave it here to rot, could I? That would be needlessly cruel and if _Toy Story_ taught me anything was that toys were no laughing matter. Besides the bunny was cute in a weird, totally insane nostalgic kind of way.

Shaking my head for the umpteenth time I began walking, deciding to just keep the thing. The sound of rushing water egged me on and I soon found myself at the bank of a small river. I bent down and dunked my head into the fresh water, greedily lapping up the cool liquid into my sore throat. It was so dry. My body probably hasn't had anything to drink or eat in ages. It was a miracle this body was still functional and not a pile of decomposing mush. I guess the air-tight mini cave I was in had something to do with that. Probably preserved my body or something like a mummy.

I leaned away from the water and glanced at my reflection. I gasped, inhaling some water, and started coughing. After I learned how to breathe like a proper human again I looked back at my relfection. My hair was an alarming shade of red, it was long, almost to my waist. I fingered the spiked bangs framing my petite face. The way they were styled made my blue eyes look even bigger and anime-ish.

But what really threw me off were the thin, whisker-like scars on my cheeks. I traced the red lines with my hand. It was rough compared to my otherwise smooth complexion. They were most likely caused when the boulders had collapsed on top of my body's original owner. There were four on each side and they were rather short which, again, made me look in a Naruto-esque way.

With my looks, I could pass off as Kushina's younger sister, er, brother. Hehe, sorry. I keep forgetting I have a penis.

I blushed and shook my head. _"Thanks for the reminder, brain."_ I groaned inwardly. _"Good timing."_

It was going to be _sooo_ awkward when I eventually I have to pee.

After washing myself off, which was ultra embarrassing, I headed back to the ruins of Uzushiogakure. Because what else could the place be? Some destroyed red light district that some rowdy monks had laid siege to? No, I think not. My knowledge of the Narutoverse was pretty solid in most instances and I remembered hearing something about Uzu being destroyed during the First or Second Shinobi World War. I shrugged. Some details were fuzzy but I knew that much.

Okay, now back to the matter at hand. There was no way I could stay here. I don't know the first thing about living in the wilderness and I don't think my body's shinobi instincts were going to cut it, especially if I didn't know how to use them. So my first action was going to be: A) find a map and B) locate Fire country. There was a good chance I have some pure Uzumaki blood flowing through my veins because if waking up in Uzu, my red hair, and that Whirlpool headband wasn't enough proof then I don't know what is. Anyways, from what I could recall Fire country, therefore Konoha, had a strong alliance with Whirlpool country before it was leveled to the ground. I figured Konoha was my safest bet and they owe Uzu, like, _a lot_. That, and it was the only familiar thing I had.

There was no way I was going to affect the timeline. Right? Because what could flustered, clumsy, little 'ol me ever do? And even if I did manage to change something it would probably be minuscule.

...Yeah...

Anyways, that was my overall plan: get my ass over to Konoha and hope no one notices me. Although there is a huge chance that I'll be caught by Konoha Shinobi at the gates. I mean I might be just some normal civilian chick but even I could sense the advanced chakra network of a shinobi circulating through my body. But still, Konoha was my best bet. Suna was way too hot for a California girl and I love water. Amegakure was way too wet, even for me, and Iwa was a nope. The land of Mist was also a big no-no. So Konoha was safe, in my mind.

That is if the Third, Tsunade, or even Kakashi (who knows how far along or back I am in the timeline) is still running things because if Danzo's in charge well...let's just say I was better off dead.

After getting to Konoha I could finally take some time to get used to the idea of my new life without the threat of death. Maybe I could accomplish all the things I missed out on in my past life. Like go rollerskating or catch me a decent boyfriend. That second goal was going to be weird. Since, you know, I'm a boy too now. But a girlfriend didn't sound too bad, either. Lord know I'd be the most syaphtic male on this planet. But yeah! I'm going to get me a love life! Or hire a bunch of strippers if all else fails.

Maybe I'll even become a shinobi! I flexed my arms. My body felt like it could handle it and I had enough experience working in the ghetto's hospitals. I'd probably seen enough blood, death, and human atrocities to qualify as a ninja. I'm still queasy about killing people, but Naruto seemed to get by just fine. Maybe I could do too, but if not I knew some part of me wanted to get back at the evil people in the world. There was this one time, in the ER, some kid came in with his ear ripped off. The mother had looked pissed and explained it was just an accident; that she hadn't meant to tug so hard. Yeah right, that nasty despicable women deserved way more than the slap on the wrist the cosial services gave her.

However, if by some chance I get mixed in with the main characters...well... I'll just think of something _if_ and _when_ that happens. I just hope I don't cry or go into fangirl mode because that would go _so_ over well.

._. Yeah...

I made myself busy shifting through the ruins. It was depressing seeing the total destruction of what had once been such a strong village. A pang of sorrow echoed in my rib cage as I picked up a dirty bunny backpack. Probably belonged to a child who had been killed in the invasion. The dried blood on the straps spoke of that much. I cleaned it up and put it on. It'd be useful for carrying anything else I find. My pouches were already full and I would need the extra room. I nearly jumped for joy when I spotted a map. It was yellowed and faded but the distinct land formations and trails were still visible. Hopefully, the thing wasn't too outdated. I tucked the map away in my backpack and settled down for the night. Tomorrow would mark a new day in my hopefully longer new life. Maybe I'll find some food tomorrow. I closed my eyes, unconsciously drooling as I dreamt of burgers and spaghetti.


	3. Bunny-chan to the Rescue

"Aw man, you have got to be kidding me!" I shouted in frustration. I had been traveling for a week on foot when I had come across the biggest fallen tree trunk in the history of trees and falling. The thing was ginormous! It'd give the wall of China a run for its money. Oh well. Not everything can be rainbows and sunshine.

I was dirty, exhausted, and hungry. My stock of berries and other wild fruit had run out this morning. It was nearing dusk and if I didn't find somewhere safe to camp out then I was screwed.

Just the other day I narrowly avoided a group of bandits lurking around back a few miles. It had bee kinda weird. Like all of a sudden, I was trudging along the path and _whoosh_! I guess whatever body I'd been _graciously_ dropped in had been some kind of sensor ninja like Karin or maybe all ninjas could feel chakra. Now I could _feel_ and _see_ the chakra signatures of the other shinobi. Well, I couldn't see it with my eyes, per say, it was more like a color in my head with the aurora of the person's spiritual and physical energy making up the sensation of it, giving me a feel of their personalities. It was an odd yet exciting new sensation that I found to be very helpful.

I sighed tiredly and looked at my map. This was the nearest and only trail that didn't lead further into the forest. I was already miles away from any kind of civilization and I really didn't want to stray further away. I was almost there too!

I grit my teeth as an overwhelming sense of determination overcame me.

"I WILL get past you, tree-san!" I found my high voice saying. I walked a few paces backward and surged forward. I crouched slightly in mid-run and leaped. My long hair whipped around behind me as I sailed through the air. A part of me thought I could actually jump over the thing. That hope was quickly squashed

I sweat-dropped when I realized I wouldn't make it.

"GAH!" It was too late to try and move. I ended up slamming my still tender chest against the thick tree trunk. Luckily my chest plate was still functional so at least I didn't break anything else. My body sluggishly slid off the tree and landed with a loud _thwack_ on the dirt floor.

I wheezed from my position on my back and clutched my stomach. My ribs were no longer cracked, but they had just healed and were still sensitive. My body stilled as I sensed a group of rapidly approaching chakra signatures. Great, my little stunt must have attracted attention.

I scrambled to my feet only to have a heavy boot slam me back to the ground. My armor took the brunt of the hit, but my head had hit the ground pretty hard. Stars clouded my vision. I blinked, trying to clear my head. I guess even my new body had a penchant for passing out too. I looked up to see a group of four straggly looking men gathered around me.

I looked up to see a group of four straggly looking men gathered around me.

"What happened, kunoichi-chan?" The greasy man taunted, and dug his foot deeper into my armor. "Did the little girl fall?" I grunted in pain and felt my pride deflate. I might be in the most girlish-looking male body ever but there was no way I was letting this man getting away with calling me a girl even though I was a girl mentally. Gosh, this is weird.

The shinobi finally relieved the pressure off my chest as he stepped back. I gasped loudly. Sweet air! Oh, how I've missed you! My moment was short-lived as someone else grabbed hold of my ponytail and yanked me onto my knees. I let loose a high-pitched scream, further convincing my attackers I was female. I shut my mouth as I felt something cool press against my neck dangerously.

"Move or scream again, girlie and I'll slit your throat." I kept quiet as another bandit searched through my pockets and backpack. I kept my mind calm, knowing that if I lost my cool I would also loose my life. Growing up on the streets as an orphan in Los Angeles did that to you.

"What the hell is this?" He asked, pulling out Bunny-chan. The group of bandits could only stare as the world's most grotesque stuffed animal slowly swiveled around to face them and stared at them with its horrendous empty eyes. I felt my captor's grip loosen on my hair. What happened next was complete and utter chaos. And also badass, confusing, and scary as hell.

What happened next was complete and utter chaos. And also super badass, confusing, and scary as hell.

Acting out on pure instincts and the adrenaline rushing through my body, I tossed elbows backwards with as much force as I could muster into my captor's kneecaps. Again, chakra surrounded my arms, strengthening the blow. I heard a sharp cry and the crunch of bone marrow fracturing before the man completely let go of me and fell onto his back, clutching his shattered knees in agony.

"AGH SHIT!" He fell to floor. "The bitch broke my knees!" I was already up on my feet before any of the men could blink. I breathed in deeply, the foreign sensation of anger riling me up.

"I'm a _guy_ , 'ttebaru! Get that through your thick heads ya mutts!" I yelled in indignation. A man built like a refrigerator charged towards me, fist reeled back and a face full of fury.

A man built like a refrigerator charged towards me, fist reeled back and a face full of fury.

 _"_ _Duck!"_ My body and mind screamed. I obeyed and crouched down low, feeling the dirt beneath my fingertips. The sound of flesh hitting flesh sounded above me. I looked up to see the large man had knocked out another man that had been charging behind me. They both dropped to floor. I stood up and my body automatically slid into a stance I didn't recognize but it felt natural. My eyes met my attacker and I guess whatever they saw in them was enough to have them running with their tails tucked in. The three other unharmed men looked at each other before sprinting off into the woods with their fallen comrades dangling over their backs, dropping Bunny-chan in their haste. I sighed and allowed myself to relax as the battle-produced adrenaline wore off. I picked up Bunny-chan and tucked the ugly guy away. I bit my lip and tentatively patted his head fondly. Who knew the little squirt would come in handy?

I focused my attention back on the tree in front of me. I walked to side and noticed the tree hadn't fallen naturally. The jagged yet clean cuts along the base spoke of foul play. I rummaged through my backpack and pulled out some ink I'd found back home.

 _Home_. The word felt right when referring to the fallen Country of Uzu. I smiled and my hand naturally wrote the kanji for "bandits" and "danger". I looked at my hand oddly. It was strange. I had no knowledge prior of the written or spoken Japanese language before my death but after being revived it felt like I've known the dialect my whole life. I shrugged and spent a few minutes climbing over the tree trunk. I sighed and continued my journey. From the looks of it I should only be a day's travel away from the unfamiliar yet familiar gates of Konoha. I sighed and drudged onwards, looking over my shoulder every once in a while. Better safer than sorry! Curse that sexy man for bringing me here…


	4. SPIDER?

**A/N: I just wanted to say that I wrote this whole fic when I was going through puberty and my super-squealy-fangirl phase. Yeah...**

The whole bandit confrontation had me edge on the whole time. Wouldn't everybody be a little shaky after almost getting robbed blind? I thought so and found it completely explainable as to why I am currently stuck in a tree…ten feet off the ground.

But let's rewind, shall we?

I had decided that it would be a wise idea to scout the area ahead for any signs of trouble. So I had shimmied up the side of the tree in all my infinite wisdom and was looking for thugs, bandits, missing-nin, rabid animals, or just any kind of trouble up ahead.

I squinted my eyes. I could barely make out something big in the distance. I leaned forward to get a better look. A large grin spread itself on my lips.

"Hey, I can see Konoha! At least I think it is." I said out loud to myself. I was still trying to get used to my new voice and the language that came out of it. It was weird going from English to Japanese without even realizing you're doing it.

Seeing nothing else, I sighed contently and brought down my arm.

Something tickled my hand.

Looking down, I spotted the biggest, most repulsive (not as ugly as Bunny-chan, rest assured.) spider I have ever seen outside of my bedroom. My room is, _was_ , a mess. It was not uncommon to find cobwebs and other creepy crawlies scurrying around. I normally have nothing against insects in general. I live in harmony with my small, exo-skeletal cousins. We had a I-don't-squash-you-into-tomorrow-morning's-jam-and-you-don't-give-me-itchy-bumps kind of contract. Anyways, so it scared the living daylights out of me when the spider reared its little head back and sank its fangs into my hand. I screamed so high and loud that it could have passed off as a dog whistle. I let go of the branch I was holding onto and rapidly shook my hand.

"OH MY GOD! GET IT OFF ME! SHIT, IT HURTS! I'M GOING TO DIE IN A TREE LIKE A MONKEY!" I hollered, waving my hands like a downed bird. My eyes widened as the branch I was standing on cracked. I screamed again as the branch snapped beneath me and sent me hurtling head-first through every single branch on this tree.

I swear.

Every. Single. Branch.

Twigs snapped and raked at my face as I crashed down. I tried to grabbing hold of something, _anything_ , in my panic but the wood only sliced my hands. I felt my pouches rip open as my waist smacked into another branch. Kunai rained down around me. I raised my arms to shield my face from the blades. Several slashed my arms and one managed to cut a chunk of my awesome red hair. Bunny-chan sailed by my head, looking almost like some retarded Dumbo with its large ears. My ninja wire slipped out and wound itself around my leg. I shrieked in pain as the other end of the cable enwrapped itself on a tree branch and nearly yanked my limb out of its socket. I groaned and my body rapidly spun around. I finally settled down along with my stomach. So here I was. Dangling from a tree and looking like the Akatsuki after a round with Naruto. I moaned. I could feel all the blood rushing to my face. Any longer and I'd look like a bloated tomato.

"Someone, anyone, just get me down." I muttered, blood seeping out of my mouth. I watched it drop and stared in alarm at the puddle of blood gathering below me. Scratch that last thought. Any longer and I was going to look like a _dead_ bloated tomato.

 _"_ _Huh? What's that?_ " I craned my neck. The action made me woozy but I forced my head to stay still. My eyes must have been the size of saucers now.

I felt a whine leave my mouth. I was going to die. Again. My single shuriken was slowly slipping out of my weapons pouch and heading straight for the ninja wire. If that one star fell my head would crash right into the hard, dirt floor below.

I was dead either way. My body was too weak from all the blood I have already lost and I would probably die strung up in a tree because of blood loss and my previous paranoia. But, if I didn't die immediately of blood loss then my face-plant from ten feet in the air would do nicely. I sighed sadly, thinking of the poor sap who would find my squashed-in-face by the side of the road. Wait road? That's right! I was right next to the road.

Thought, I was too far away to yell for Izumo and Kotetsu, but if someone happened to be traveling by then maybe they would hear me.

"HELP ME! ANYBODY WILL DO! UNLESS YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT BECAUSE IF YOU ARE YOU CAN JUST GO SCREW YOURSELF! SEXY GOD DUDE, YOU SAID YOU WOULD WATCH OVER MEEEE!" I hollered, my face red from all the stress and blood. "Can…anyone hear me? Please help…me." Sorrow and self-pity reared it's ugly head. I was going to die. Alone and from a pathetic accident. This was probably similar to the first time I died. Tears slid down my cheeks as the shuriken finally dropped, the metal glinting in the sunlight ominously. I heard the slicing of the wire and felt my body free-falling again. The wind rushed past me as I stared up at the cloudless sky. Back dots clouded my vision.

"I don't want to die again." I whispered, the world around me was fading fast. My body collided with something hard yet warm.

Probably just the ground covered in my fresh blood.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

"Yo, you awake?" Something warm tapped my shoulder. A fresh wave of pain came over me. I flinched.

A different person spoke now, a girl this time. "-Sensei, you don't think she's too injured?" I felt my cheek twitch in irritation. Okay, I look like a girl. I get it!

"Mah, don't worry. I might not be a medic-nin but she'll be fine." A rustle of clothing and I heard someone snort. "Besides, her armor may not look it but its actually pretty tough." The man who had spoken said.

I cracked open my eyes. I half expected to be floating in a endless void of blackness or resting peacefully on a cloud. Lo and behold my surprise when my blue orbs were met with a pair of identical ones. So much for avoiding the main cast.

"Gah! She's alive, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto shouted jumping back and landing on his bottom. A normal person would have fainted upon seeing their favorite anime characters or screamed maybe in panic. I am, however, not normal.

My hand shot out of its own accord and pinched the boy's whiskered cheek.

"Hey! What's the big idea, lady?" Naruto yelled. I could feel the vein on my cheek about to pop from all the anger flowing through me.

"Do I look dead to you?!" I yelled, my voice loud and strong and totally blowing away the idea of some half dead damsel in distress.

Sakura openly gaped and Kakashi's only visible eye widened slightly. Sasuke remained motionless, leaning against a tree.

I yanked the blonde's cheek once and let go upon hearing his pained cry. He rubbed his cheeks and glared at me.

"Jeesh, what was that for, lady?" Naruto mumbled. "I'm still sore from that fight with Haku." I huffed, my anger dissipating and crossed my arms over my shielded chest.

Wait, Haku?

I looked up and took in their slightly scuffed appearances.

 _"_ _So the mission to Wave has already happened."_ I thought. This would place me at the beginning of Naruto Jump. I would probably panic later when I was all alone. But right now…

I winced and looked down at my bandaged body. My ribs were hurting again. I placed my hand over them.

"I think I fractured my ribs again." I groaned, my voice having returned to its normal volume. Kakashi rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"I didn't see any visible bleeding anywhere near your chest so I didn't, um, look." I could have sworn I saw a blush on the famed Copy Ninja's face when he was talking.

Naruto crossed his arms and squinted up at the jounin. "Kakashi-sensei, you pervert."

I felt my face heat up. Hey, I'm still a girl in the inside! I uncrossed my bandaged arms and bowed my head.

"Ah, t-thank you for helping me." I said quietly, looking each of them in the eyes. Naruto beamed and puffed up his chest.

"You're welcome, lady!" He said proudly. Sakura frowned and punched her teammate's head.

"You didn't even do anything, baka!" She yelled, flexing her fingers. Naruto whined again and rubbed the bump on his head.

"Sakura-chan! That hurt!" He looked away and mumbled. "Sasuke-teme didn't do anything either."

Sasuke rolled his eyes but said nothing.

I giggled and looked at Kakashi. I could sense him analyzing me despite his laid back attitude. I frowned. My weapon pouches felt really light. I checked my belt and sighed when I saw that almost all of my pouches were destroyed in the, er, incident. I reached up and felt for my forehead protector. It was gone.

"What's wrong?" Kakashi asked, his eyes zoning in on my shredded utility belt and then head. Whoever said Kakashi was lazy was so wrong. And probably dead to have underestimated such a powerful character.

I could hear the gears churning in his head as he studied my facial expressions.

"Um, all my stuff is gone." I shakily stood up. My legs wobbled like a newborn foal's. "I-I have t get my-" My words came short when my legs buckled. Kakashi quickly caught me. I groaned and coughed, blood splattering my armor. My medical training came to mind and I realized my ribs must have broken this time around and punctured something. I was slowly bleeding out from the inside.

Sakura gasped and Kakashi held me steady as he positioned me on his back. I would have blushed if all my blood wasn't being directed elsewhere.

"Sasuke, Naruto," the two boys visibly straightened, "Go and fetch kunoichi-chan's things. I'm heading to village. Sakura-chan," I could imagine him eye smiling as his voice became lighter and less commanding, "Make sure those two don't kill each other." And just like we were flying. Okay, not really flying. More like taking chakra-infused leaps through the trees. But it felt like we were flying.

"Feels like we're flying." I muttered against his back, breathing in the scent of pine and sweat on his flak jacket. Kakashi chuckled. Probably thought I was a weirdo.

"Rest now, kunoichi-chan. I've got you." He said with a smile in his voice. I nodded and closed my eyes again.


	5. whitewhitewhitewhiteWHITEWHITE

**A/N: Remember how I said this fic was a prototype-thingy? Yeah, well now since I wrote this a while ago you'll see stuff and ideas merge and mingle from my others fic with the finished personality of Jennie/Zaku. A million waffles to those who are actually reading this monstrosity.**

* * *

I glared at the offending white walls. Why did everything have to be so damn white. The hospital gown was white. My sheets were white. My pillow was white. The door was white. I swear my insides were going to turn white after my stay in the hospital.

I turned my head to the door when I saw it open.

"Thank Kami." I said softly, watching Team Seven file inside. The three genin shot me confused looks. I didn't care at this point. "I never thought in a million years that I'd miss that orange jumpsuit of yours."

Naruto grinned brightly, "You got that right, lady. Orange is awesome, ttebayo!"

Sakura groaned. "Oh brother. Here we go again."

Kakashi held up his hand, stopping Naruto before he could ramble on about his favorite color and all its greatness.

"Yo, kuniochi-chan." I furrowed my brow at the honorific. I might not be educated in Japanese but even I've watched enough anime to know that '-chan' wasn't the proper honorific a man would give to someone he just met without asking them or said person telling them it was okay. I shrugged. Whatever, who cares?

"…Hello…?" I said, blinking owlishly. They still haven't introduced themselves and I was not going to dig myself a metaphorical grave by suddenly knowing their names. I don't fancy being thrown into T&I. Ibiki and Anko kinda freak me out. Plus, I'd probably start braiding Inoichi's fabulous hair.

Kakashi eye-smiled in my direction. "Hehe, sorry about that. My name is Hatake Kakashi, jounin of the Village Hidden in the Leaves which is where you're at."

Naruto struck a pose, leaping in front of my hospital bed. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage of Konoha, dattebayo!" He yelled. My eyes widened in surprise. Wow, that was even better in real life. At least he didn't say, "Believe it!'. That would have killed me.

I giggled as Sakura and Sasuke shot Naruto identical looks of annoyance.

The only female on the team bowed politely.

"My name is Haruno Sakura." She slapped the smug look off the blonde boy's face with a fist. "Please excuse Naruto-baka." The pink-haired girl growled. I smiled in response. Sasuke glanced in my direction.

"Hn. Uchiha Sasuke." He all but grunted. I had to stop the grin from spreading across my face. It was almost hilarious seeing them in person than on my tiny laptop screen.

Surrealism in the flesh.

"It's very nice to meet you all." I said quietly.

Naruto bounded up to the bed side with my bunny backpack in his hands. "We've got your stuff that you left behind." I reached out and grabbed the backpack.

"Thank you, Naruto-nii." I said without thinking. The boy stilled completely. He stared at me with something akin to loneliness and surprise in his eyes.

I instantly reached inside the backpack, not noticing the effect that the honorific had on him. Where was my headband?

Feeling clothe under my fingertips I pulled out the object fully expecting my red forehead protector to come out. I had not guessed in a million years for Bunny-chan to pop out in all his monstrous glory.

Sakura's eyes widened in terror and she squeaked.

The toy hung limply from my hand. I could only stare at the pink bunny in shock. Naruto wrinkled his nose, having got over his the Bunny-chan's mind-breaking jutsu.

"What's up with the rabbit, anyways? It's kinda ugly."

"Don't say that, baka!" Sakura exclaimed in disbelief, averting her eyes from said toy. Sasuke grimaced.

"For once, the dobe is right." He said, leaning against the hospital wall cooly.

"Guys…" Sakura said at a loss for words. I giggled into my free hand and placed the stuffed animal beside me.

"Don't worry about it. Bunny-chan is the most hideous ball of lint in all of Fire Country."

"More like the whole world." Naruto muttered under his breath.

Kakashi quirked his head to side. "Then why do you carry it around?" I paused. Why did I carry it around. I guess in my head filled with incomplete memories of my body's life and my death this was the only thing I can relate to. The only thing that felt relatively normal in my new life. "I…I guess because it's familiar and reminds me of home." I said lastly. Kakashi's dark eye sharpened.

I stiffened. Uh oh.

I just had to open my big mouth and mention home, huh? Shoot me now.

He turned to his students and smiled at them.

"Okay, kiddos. I think that's enough pestering kunoichi-chan for one day." He herded the teens out of the room, hanging around the door frame. "Have the day off. I have to ask kunoichi-chan some questions."

"Kakashi-sensei! That's not fair-" Naruto's voice was cut off by the door sliding shut. Kakashi walked over calmly. I gulped.

The calm before the storm.

A bout of anxiety washed over me and a drop of sweat slid down the side of my face. Now what? After a week of traveling, getting lost, and attacked by baddies I was finally here. Albeit, in the hospital but still. I was here inside of Konoha just like I had planned a week ago. I gripped my bedsheets nervously as Kakashi came to a stop beside me. What was I going to do? I didn't even have a backstory or anything. Literally, all I knew was that I was some type of shinobi and I'm from the Uzumaki clan. I looked up at Kakashi. If I told the truth then my new life would be over and spent a funhouse. I licked my lips nervously, feeling dread creep into my chest. Guess I was going to have to wing it.

The silver-haired ninja's eye grew cold.

"Who are you?" The sharp edge in his voice had me trembling. Now this was Kakashi Hatake. Ex-Anbu Commander and student of the Fourth Hokage. Not the lazy, laid-back sensei I'd seen before.

I decided to be honest. "I don't know who I am anymore." Which was completely true. I was no longer Jennie Moore nor was I the original owner of my new body. He was dead. Jennie Moore was dead. Who did that leave me?

Who am I?

Kakashi and I both turned to the door as it opened. I believed Naruto was going to come stomping in and demand a solid reason fro being mooted out of the room. I never thought the freaking Third Hokage was going to step through that door, big hat, wrinkles, and all.

My life is full of surprises lately.

"Good afternoon." He greeted. The elderly shinobi nodded to Kakashi in acknowledgment. I shrank into my bed when his kind yet suspicious gaze landed on me.

He took a puff on his pipe. "You must be the woman Kakashi's team found on the roadside." I nodded, looking between Kakashi and Hiruzen for any clue. I found none. Damn those emotionless masks.

The third fixed me with a harder, more serious look. "When Kakashi found you in the forest you had multiple lacerations all over your body and were suffering from eternal bleeding."

I nodded in confirmation. Of course I knew that. I was the one going through all the pain, after all.

"When he brought you here the medical examiners did a standard check-up. It is there where I begin the questions." He said in a tone that left no room for objection. "You had signs of having a collapsed rib cage and lungs, but somehow were healed. The clothes you were brought in are more than two decades old yet they fit you perfectly which means they were tailored for you specifically. Your face is unknown in any of our records or that of any neighboring villages. So I ask you: who are you?"

My mind blanked and I could faintly feel my body moving out of the hospital bed. I stood up straight and looked the God of Shinobi in the eyes, all timidness forgotten. Images of a bloody battle scene and of war flashed through my eyes.

My mouth moved without my permission. "I am Zaku Uzumaki." I followed my instincts and kneeled down. "Last surviving member of platoon two of Uzu's shinobi forces." The memory of myself laughing and fighting alongside another group of familiar yet strange faces pulsed in front of me. My throat tightened with emotion. These feelings were real. These memories felt and looked so _real_. "I don't know why I survived when Uzu fell. Why I lived while all the others perished in front me." I bowed my head, my red bangs obscuring my falling tears.

"What are you doing in Konoha, Zaku." Hiruzen said at last. I lifted my head.

"I'm looking for a home, Hokage-sama. My home was destroyed long ago. That much I found out on my own when I awoke. However, my memories have faded and Konoha is, if I recall correctly, Uzu's ally and freind." I said, remembering whatever I could and trying to keep my story completely truthful. I'm a terrible liar.

"Stand up, Uzumaki-san." The wizened man said with authority. I quickly stood up, tripping over my own feet. I could feel my face blushing but I refused to look away from the third Hokage. The old man's eyes softened and he clasped my shoulder in his hand.

"Konoha failed to support Uzu in its time of great need. It is a burden I carry as well as the rest of Village. We were unable to help you then but I promise you, we will help you now. Konoha will be your home if you choose to accept it, Uzumaki-san." I can assure anybody who asks that Hiruzen and Kakashi were not expecting me to suddenly burst into sobs and cling to the third like a baby koala.

I was surprised myself. Sure, I'm a big crybaby most of the time but I don't throw myself onto people!

Hiruzen, like the grandfather I never had, patted my back in comforting yet awkward manner until my sobs subsided. I hiccuped and pulled away.

I sniffed. "I-I apologize, Hokage-sama." I said, blushing profusely and rubbing the back of my head. The white-haired man smiled and asked me to come to his office after I finished up at the hospital so I could get settled in. Kakashi watched the small but powerful man walk out the door. He turned to me.

"Zaku Uzumaki, huh?"

I nodded and smiled at him. This was so cool! Kakashi was, like, one of my favorite characters. It was a dream just looking at him but talking to him!? So awesome!

"Yes, Kakashi-chan?" I said, again not noticing the honorific I added, and watched as his eyes darted away.

"Here. Thought you would like this back." He said, pulling out a familiar red cloth from his vest. I grinned and quickly tied my forehead protector. I sighed and allowed myself to sink back into bed. Crying took a lot of effort and energy. I looked at Kakashi who was idly staring out the window.

"Arigatou, Kakashi-chan." I said in my soft voice, liking how the Japanese words felt on my tongue. The masked man coughed in his hand and glanced down at me, unsure of how to respond.

"Ah, I better get going." He waved, looking slightly hesitant as he spoke next, "See ya later, Zaku…-chan." The jounin left in a puff of smoke. I smiled and leaned against my pillows. I was no longer Jennie Moore, the timid girl from the ER that hid behind arches and underneath patient beds. Nor was I the same brave Uzumaki who had died long ago during the invasion of Whirlpool Country. I am Zaku Uzumaki, the girlish shinobi with a tendency for getting into troublesome situations.

Kami, somebody up there better be watching me because who knows what I'm getting myself into next. I held onto Bunny-chan's small paw and little by little my breaths evened out as I slipped into a peaceful


	6. Seals in Incognito

**Sorry for the long wait. I've been hesitant to post the rest of what I have written. Mostly because I wrote this fic a while ago when I was going through my OC-insert-obsessed-fangirl phase.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but my OC.**

Hiruzen silently read over the report in his hands. Evidently, it turns out that Zaku is actually a man. The Hokage had to do a double-take when he skimmed over that part. Whatever admiration he held for the feminine shinobi being able to pull a fast one like that on him was surpassed as he continued reading.

The medical report proved Zaku had been telling truth when he said he was from the Uzumaki Clan. They had taken a sample of his blood and compared it to a sample Mito Uzumaki and Kushina Uzumaki that they had in storage. The blood tests came back positive.

However, there was a problem. How could Zaku Uzumaki have survived unconscious for _decades_ after the initial annihilation of Uzushiogakure and remain unharmed by the winds of time?

The third Hokage acted upon his suspicions and sent his most promising medical ninja to subtly perform a full examination on the man that was normally reserved for war prisoners and suspected spies. What the medical ninja revealed was truly shocking, yet he should have been seen it coming. The Uzumakis were notorious for many reasons: their incredible chakra, lengthy life spans, and rich lands. But this is not what united their enemies. Thier fear of the Uzumaki's legendary mastery in fuuinjutsu was the cause of their destruction.

So Hiruzen shouldn't have been as shocked as he was when they found seals hidden on Zaku's person. Not just one or three, no, they'd uncovered dozens of seals mapped all over the boy's body.

Hiruzen was no expert in the sealing arts, but from the pictures attached in the report, the tags were made to put the user in a comatose-like state, stopping all bodily functions to a bare minimum like a bear in hibernation. Truly a last resort type of fuuinjutsu.

Nonetheless, Zaku should have died. There was no way an ordinary shinobi could have withstood so much time dormant and undisturbed.

Hiruzen sighed and took off his hat, running his hand through the short grey strands. It was times like these he was both saddened and grateful that such a dangerous and potent art was now dead.

The only solution he could think of to the conundrum was that it was all the seal's doing. He'd have to call Jiraiya back to provide a full evaluation on Zaku's seals. Unfortunately, the man hadn't been much help, claiming to have not known anything about the black ink markings. Hiruzen had believed him, noting the genuine surprise and fascination on the young redhead's face.

All the Sandaime knew for sure was that he seals had finally run out of juice over the years and Zaku had been stirred from his slumber becuase the insufficient funds to fuel the seal. Which spoke volumes on the man's massive chakra level. He had as much chakra as any kage, but that wasn't very shocking considering that he came from a clan of chakra powerhouses.

Hiruzen lightly frowned. It must have been shocking for the young shinobi; to find his homeland destroyed and no one left to call family.

The sudden image of a hyperactive genin came to the old man's mind. This was the tricky part. He could register Zaku into Konoha as a citizen or maybe a shinobi if the redhead wished and let him live freely without ever knowing that one of his clansmen was indeed still alive and wrecking havoc. Naruto and Zaku would remain oblivious to their familial ties; both of them believing that Naruto's surname had been given to him as homage to Kushina Uzumaki and that it had nothing to do with his lineage.

But that was impossible now. The two had already met and would most likely continue to see each other from time to time. One of them would eventually catch on and realize that they have more in common than just a surname.

Hiruzen chuckled. It looked like blue eyes ran in the Uzumaki clan too. Plus, the healing cuts on Zaku's cheeks would leave scars, further exaggerating their relation to one another. One or both of them would eventually come storming into his office demanding an explanation.

The veteran shinobi sighed and rubbed his face. He was getting too old for this. The man put down the sheets of paper and leaned back into his chair, gazing out onto the Hokage mountain. He stared at his successor and predecessor's stony face.

"I think it is time to tell him another truth, Minato." He said quietly. Smoke obscured the fourth Hokage's face as Hiruzen exhaled from his pipe.


	7. Putting the Fear of God

**A/N: Not dead! Very much alive. Sort of.**

 **Disclaimer: Does it _look_ like own Naruto? *motions to atrocious writing* No, of course I don't.**

I bit my lip and looked up at the thick oak doors leading to the Hokage's office. The doors were a little worn out, but the beautiful floral carvings made up for any imperfections. Besides, it had that antique-y vibe to it, very calming...if you ignore the two scary-ass looking ninjas standing guard on either side of the door.

I nervously reached up and tugged at the bottom strands of my hair. My face puckered up in disgust. Jesus Christ, I need a shower! I let go of the greasy strands and stuffed my hands in the pockets of my new pants my nurse had kindly given to me, courtesy of Konoha. Along with some new sandals and a t-shirt with the Leaf's insignia. Ya know, considering my original outfit looked like it'd been mauled by a bear. The Hokage couldn't have me wandering around in scraps. Bad for the village's rep.

I reached up and grabbed hold of the backpack holding all my stuff. Maybe I could gather up some money and get my old clothes fixed? Might it be cheaper than buying a whole new outfit? I don't know how much ninja clothes cost here, but I'm guessing it's a lot since everyone wears the same thing all the time. That or I could suture the thing together. It wouldn't be the first time I had to sew my clothes back up. Although it did make me stand out like a sore thumb, medical stitches weren't the same as regular stitching.

I was brought out of my musings by an over-energetic shout coming from behind the closed doors. I jumped in surprise, stumbling into a vase. The plant wobbled violently before tipping over. Luckily, one of the guards reacted quickly and righted it before disaster could strike. The ninja shot me a scathing glare and went back to his post.

I gulped and shakily walked over the wall, sliding down to a crouch. My eyes wandered over to the door, ignoring the scary nins. What the hell was going on back there? I've been waiting out for, like, an hour!? For what? I have no clue. Stupid Hokage and his creepy ANBU. As soon as I was cleared by the doctors (and by ANBU themselves. Can't have a potentional unverified threat walking around freely. Luckily, there was an Uzumaki Zaku, chuunin of Uzu, in the Senju's old files.) an ANBU had shown up out of the blue and dumped me here. The whole ordeal had done nothing to soothe my nerves, my future still uncertain. Would I be able to stay? Do I even want to stay?

Well, my original plan was just to stay under the radar and well out the Naruto's cast path, but I went and screwed that up. And before I even entered foot inside Konoha. I sighed out loud. If they let me, maybe I'd stick around. There wasn't much more I could still mess up, right? Right? Hehehe

But still, in a few minutes (or hours? Lord knows.) I'd be face to face with the _God_ of Shinobi. And it wouldn't be like last time when I had had an IV pumping copious amounts of painkillers in my system. Plus, it wasn't me talking last time, it was my weird Uzumaki-host thing filtering through me. It just wasn't me talking...but at the same it was me talking. Gah! This is all so confusing!

With a groan, I dropped my head down on my knees. Man, all this identity crisis stuff was making my head hurt. I don't know what's happening to me and stress of not-knowing, not to mention being thrown into a different dimension where killing people was the norm, is really weighing me down.

What happened with Kakashi and the Hokage was just a fluke. My fried brain just took all those weird flashbacks and emotions and winged it. I don't think I had it in me to whip out another theatrical performance like that again. It was too raw, confusing, and...and just too _real_ to try and replicate it. I pressed my forehead harder against my knees and closed my eyes. I just need to calm down, is all. Breathing in and out a few times worked to ease my anxiety.

I lifted my head and blinked at the change in light. You know what? I feel a lot better. Pfft, and people doubted the whole count-your-breaths technique. Losers. But yeah, maybe I can do this! I stood up quickly, my sudden movement causing the guards to reach for their weapons. I squeaked in response. The guards smirked and resumed their stationary stance, deciding I was not a threat

I pouted. Man, wasn't my fault these dudes were built like refrigerators. That, and I'm really jumpy. Like the microwave regularly gives me heart-attacks. I'd bet my firstborn son that their biceps are larger than my head. Like, what on earth do guys eat? Raw meat? Babies?

I shook my head and stepped up to the door. The guards shot each other a wary look but allowed me to raise my fist and knock a few times. I can do this! It would probably be only for a moment, just an informal little meeting to tell me that all is good. Or he was luring me into a false sense of security and really this was an elaborate-

The guards to my immediate left coughed awkwardly. I blinked. With a blush, I realized I was practically freaking out in the middle of the hallway. Ignoring the faint chakra signatures of the hidden ANBU, I shakily reached up and knocked on the door again. Albeit, slower and less like I was pounding for my life. Maybe he wouldn't hear it, in his old age, I could leave and say I came, like, I tried and all-

"Come in, Zaku-san."

I visibly deflated and trudged my way into the room. Who was I trying to fool? For Pete's sake, he probably heard me trip on the stairs on the way and my little meltdown.

Although, it was the stair's fault I even face-planted in the first place! Curse me and my short legs! Out of all the things that could have remained the same it had to be my short height.

My eyes widened and my anxiety meter went off the charts. "

" _What is he doing here? I thought I was just going to talk to the guy and be done with."_

My body stilled when I spotted Naruto standing bored out his mind in front of Hiruzen's desk. I looked at the old man and saw a curious expression on his face as he observed my reaction.

Drat, my shock must be practically palpable to the old fart. I gave a long, drawn-out sigh. My dream of living the life of a hermit on the outskirts of the village were out of the picture. Lord knows what was gonna happen from here on out.

I came to a stop beside the shorter Uzumaki. I glanced down. Man, the kid was really tiny up close. For such an exuberant character whose personality could fill a whole room, it had never occurred to me just how...small Naruto was. I mean he was just a child, after all, but still. It was kind of sobering.

"Good m-morning, Hokage-sama, Naruto-san." I greeted politely, bowing low to the two ninjas.

"Good morning, Zaku-san." Hiruzen said kindly. I stood back up, wincing slightly. My chest still kinda hurt. Naruto looked at me strangely, probably wondering the same thing I was.

Turns out I was right.

"What's she doing here, jiji?" Naruto asked bluntly. "I thought you wanted to talk to me about something important?" The elderly man simply inhaled and exhaled through his pipe. My nose wrinkled. I was used to the smell of tobacco, having spent my childhood in the rougher parts of the city, but the smell always bothered me. The smell was too bitter and the stuff had a nasty way of sticking to my clothes no matter how many times I washed them.

Naruto's eyes eventually strayed from my face and onto my shiny, yet beat up forehead protector that was proudly keeping my hair at bay. His blue eyes widened and he looked back at my face and then to the same swirl-shaped emblem attached to his jumpsuit.

"What the-? What's up with your forehead protector?" He asked, crossing his arms and squinting up at me suspiciously. "Why's it got that weird swirly thing on it? Are your trying to copy me or something?" I shifted nervously. What could I tell the kid? That this was just a coincidence? That the symbol on his jacket sleeve and the one on my headband meant completely nothing? Or that I'm, maybe, his long-lost cousin who just popped out of nowhere after having been missing for who knows how many decades?

We both looked back to third Hokage as he spoke, "That's the reason why I summoned you two to my office, Naruto-kun, Zaku-san." A sad smile settled on his wrinkled features. He turned to me. I gulped nervously. Oh shit. Here it comes.

"I don't believe you've properly introduced yourself, Zaku-san." He said calmly. My eyes widened at the implications of such a simple statement. Was the Third really going to spill the beans right _now!?_ Why me?!

I blanched. Oh crap, this was going to screw up the timeline, so badly. Whatever I managed to change before was going to pale in comparison to the shit storm that was about explode in here. I looked at the aging man, searching for answers, for a reason. Why? Why me? Why now, of all times? I can't just say my name and not expect Naruto not to ask questions. The boy was an orphan. He'd probably spent his whole wondering and searching for answers: where had he come from? Who were his parents? Did they not want him? Who was he? Questions that I'm not really inclined to answer for fear of ruining everything.

On the other hand, the knowledge would relieve him of that cruel burden. This was something I knew all too well, being an orphan myself. Not knowing was like having a piece of you missing. A black hole that no matter how many friends and connection you made could never be filled. Revealing the truth about his heritage would put his mind to ease. I know it had calmed me down when I'd found. Mother was a hooker who'd swallowed the wrong pill and dad was some unknown john. Unlike me, Naruto's parents hadn't abandoned him. They had sacrificed their lives for him and for the village.

I stood up straighter. Naruto deserved the truth. How I had wished the blonde had found out sooner in the manga and not years later when going up against the Kyuubi By revealing who I was, and by extension who Naruto's parents were, I would be assuming a vital role in his life. I know I would have latched onto anyone even remotley related to my family. Naruto would be no exception.

Here goes nothing.

"Oh! How rude of me, haha." I laughed nervously. Oh god, I was really doing this. "My name is Zaku. Uzumaki Zaku." I bowed low, averting my eyes. I couldn't bear to look at the boy's face. I was a sucker when it came to kids and I don't think I could control the floodgates.

I know. I'm a crybaby. So what? It's not like nobody knows!

Naruto was speechless, his brain working fervently to process every word.

I righted my back and spoke again, "I am the last known surviving member of the Uzumaki Clan," okay that was a lie, Pein and Karin were out there somewhere but nobody knew that but me, "Until, now, that is, Uzumaki Naruto." I took a chance and looked at the blonde. I cursed inwardly as I watched the various emotions flit across his whiskered face. Disbelief, anger, sorrow, joy, and finally hope. I cleared my throat, willing the sudden frog to go away.

A silent moment passed between us as we looked into each other's eyes for what felt like the first time. A whimper, unbidden, escaped my clogged throat.

I had been raised with the knowledge that my own mother hadn't wanted me from the moment I was given up at birth at the local hospital. I had grown up an outcast, the orphans wanting very little to do with me. My natural timidness and placating nature was a hindrance. It allowed others to push me around as they sought fit and trample down any protests I might have voiced. My innate clumsiness shooed away any potential friends. No one wanted to be associated with the kid that still drank from a sippy cup because she couldn't, for the life of her, drink from a cup without spilling it.

I felt inferior throughout my childhood, teenage years, and early adulthood till the day I died. Because of that feeling of inferiority, I strived to be helpful in any way I could. Whether it be doing other's chores, volunteering at school, and eventually starting a career in nursing. I was always striving to prove myself wrong; that I wasn't the weak, little girl everyone thought I was; that I could useful, important, even. Anything to fill the endless void of loneliness that made up my entire life.

So when Naruto looked up at me with those adorable eyes so like my own, filled with hope and an uncharacteristic vulnerability, I completely broke down.

Like gross sobs and dribbling snot. The whole she'bang.

Holy Cheezits, I probably looked like a giant emotional baby, but at the moment I couldn't bring myself to care. Not when my favorite anime character, who had gotten me through the toughest times of my life, was standing there- utterly exposed and vulnerable. _Naruto_ had always been up and ready on my dingy laptop after I'd exhausted myself trying to get into other children's good graces without result or after a particularly arduous day at the hospital. He was always there for me when I needed him. With his goofy grin, endless fillers, and ridiculous, drawn-out battle scenes.

Now, as I reached out and grabbed the boy who had looked so big, but was really quite small, I could finally do something- I could there for him just like he'd unknowingly been there for me all those years. My tears rolled down and seeped into the boy's sun-kissed hair. I held him tighter when I heard him sniffle, his arms snaking around my waist hesitantly like he didn't know whether it was okay to do so. My ribs cried out in protest as Naruto's thin frame practically melted into my chest. I grimaced but held on even tighter, tucking the boy's head securely under my chin. I guess we'd get to those questions later, then.

After a few more minutes of us just clinging to each other like a pair of koalas, Hiruzen decided to intervene, relieving me from Naruto's vice-like hold.

"Here is the key to your apartment and some money to get you started." He stood up and handed me a single key and a small envelope. "I took the liberty of setting up an apartment for you while you were recuperating in the hospital." He smiled. "I hope you don't mind, but I saw it fit to give Naruto a neighbor. It's nothing fancy, far from it actually, but the place does get rather lonely."The Sandaime shot me a meaningful look and I simply nodded. Naruto shuffled nervously next to me. I pretended not to notice him wiping his face or how my shirt clung to my skin with how damp it was.

"Thank you, Hokage-sama." I bowed again, my ponytail reaching the ground.

Hiruzen nodded and turned to the whiskered boy beside me. "Naruto-kun, why don't you show Zaku-san around Konoha before taking-" He stopped and looked me. I blinked. Why was he looking at me like that? I quickly wiped my puffy eyes and discreetly checked for any loose boogers. The veteran shinobi smirked, "- _her_ home, Naruto-kun."

I blinked again. _"Does…does he know I'm not…a girl?"_ I thought.

My face darkened, _"_ _Great, now the kid is going to think I'm a chick, which I still am...sort of! But still what way to destroy a girl-turned-boy's self-worth, ya old geezer._ " I pouted outwardly, causing the Hokage to chuckle. Naruto quickly latched onto my hand, hesitance flickering in his eyes, as he pulled me forward. Almost as if I'd pull out of grip at any moment.

My heart broke for the millionth time that day.

" _Yatta!_ I've got tons of stuff to show you, Zaku-chan!" He turned and waved ecstatically at the content kage. "See ya, old man!"

I barely managed a bow of my head before Naruto hauled me out of the Hokage's office and then away from the tower. Naruto stopped once we were outside and I marveled at the busy street around us. There were people everywhere! Kids played in the streets with a beat-up ball, vendors were busy announcing their wares, a few shinobi strolled around lazily, and a cute couple strolled past us in a lovey-dovey state.

A women bustled past me with an armful of groceries, nearly knocking me over. She turned to apologize, but when her eyes trailed downwards to see who was accompanying me the apology caught in her throat. She left hastily without another word. I frowned. Naruto simply brought his hands up behind his head and plastered on a smile. One that I saw through all too easily. I'd donned the same mask too many times to not recognize it.

"I'm starving! Let's got get some food!" He spun around and walked forward. I hurried to follow. "How about ramen? I love ramen! I don't know what kind of ramen you've eaten but Ichiraku's ramen is the best, 'ttebayo!" He grinned up at me. I nodded indulgingly. Naruto seemed to mellow out, his voice softer and less...loud. "You're going to love it here. K-Konoha, I mean." I brought down his hands and swung them idly at his sides. "It's not always the best, even I can say that, but it's home, ya know?" He looked up at me thoughtfully. I considered his words. Home. Mine was long gone. I wasn't ever going to go back. A part of me was stricken with idea that I'd never see my home-world again. The few friends and accomplishments I'd made meant nothing now. I even missed my little devil cat. But maybe this could be my home now too? Not right away, of course, but maybe with time I'd be able to call this world my home.

I smiled softly and let the boy lead me through the crowded streets. Which was a good thing. If I'd been on my own there was no doubt I would have gotten lost, or worse, trampled by the citizens of Konoha.

"Ichiraku's ramen is the best! You're going to love it. They have miso ramen, beef ramen, pork…" I ruffled the teen's spiky hair fondly as he rambled on about how great Teuchi's ramen is and how pretty and nice Ayame is to him. It was cute and reminded me of myself when I was younger. I didn't really have anyone to talk to back then, so when I did manage to snag someone's attention for longer than a minute I use to babble on and on about anything and everything until they told me to shutup .

I was so lost in my memories that I hadn't noticed Naruto stop till I rammed right into his back, sending the boy flying. I squeaked and yanked him back up the back of his orange jumper. Naruto gagged on his collar and staggered upright.

"Gah!" Naruto swiveled around. "Kakshi-sensei was right. Your a lot stronger than you look." He rubbed his neck with an irritated grimace.

I blushed, "Hehe, sorry 'bout that. I didn't notice you stopped walking until it was too late." I frowned to myself. "Hey…why did you stop walking?"

The boy's annoyed demeanor did a one-eighty and I was left in bewilderment as a suddenly _nervous_ Naruto shifted in front me. I blinked. Wow. Talk about a mood shift.

"Zaku-chan? Can I ask you a question?" Ignoring the fact that he already asked me one I nodded in response. The blue-eyed boy fidgeted, looking away from my eyes. "I was wondering since, ya know, we have the same last name and all that, maybe, we're…" He mumbled something. I strained my ears.

"I'm sorry, Naruto, but I can't hear you." To my pleasant surprise, the boy's cheeks took on a pink hue as he finally looked up into my identical blue orbs. "…I was wondering if maybe, uh, we were um related?" The hesitance in his stance and voice made my eyes grow soft. A gentle smile spread across my mouth.

"Hm. It would seem so. Although it's probably distant seeing as I'm so much older."

Naruto's face broke out into an excited grin before morphing into a curious expression, "Uh, what do you mean? I don't get it. You don't look very old."

I nodded. That made sense. My body didn't look than I was when I died, but I had been under the seal's spell long enough for Uzu to erode.

"Meh, you're right, in a way. I don't look very old, but I was born before the Second Shinobi War." The Uzumaki had fallen sometime between the second and third war although going from what I knew about Kushina and some filler episodes I'd put it closer to the second war. Which meant my body's original owner had been born before then.

Naruto's eyes bugged out of his head. I found myself laughing as the genin sputtered incredulously, "But-! That was such-! Such a _loooong_ time ago! You'd have to be ancient or something, 'ttebayo!"

I laughed again and ruffled his hair. "I guess so, hm?" I looked at him fondly. Naruto flailed his arms around, but eventually settled down when he noticed we were starting to attract unwanted attention. Naruto resumed his previous role as leader and led me through the busy streets.

"Naruto," I called. He turned around curiously as he walked through a shortcut.

"Yeah? What's up?"

"To answer the question you asked, yes, we're related. I some way or another."

Naruto seemed to still, his mouth opening and closing as he searched for his voice. I waited patently. He cleared his throat and spoke, his voice small, "Does...does that mean, um, th-that we're... _family_?" He whispered the last part so softly I barely heard it. I smiled gently. The little idiot was just too lovable, more so in person.

"Of course, Naruto-nii." I whispered, my throat closing. Naruto's eyes welled up with tears, his mouth a firm a line. I blinked back my own tears. I'd cried enough today already, thank you very much! "You can call us cousins, if you want to make it official."

Naruto nodded quickly. He started to say something but quickly backtracked. I tilted my head. Huh? The little dude never let anything keep him from saying what was on his mind.

"What is it, Naruto?"

The boy played with the hair on the back of his neck, avoiding my gaze. I righted my head but didn't back off.

"Can...can you," he cleared his throat forcefully and met my eyes, "not call me that?"

I blinked. "Call you what? Naruto? But it's your name." I giggled. "Unless you want me to call you fishcake?"

The blonde let the small joke pass and merely shook his head, "No, it's that." He seemed uncomfortable. "What you called before like right now and back at the hospital." At my blank look he elaborated. "...'Naruto-nii..."

Oh.

I winced. I vaguely remembering the words. It'd just slipped out.

"Sorry," I licked my lips and looked off to the side. "I-I can stop if it makes you un-"

"NO!" Naurto suddenly yelled, his voice echoing in the little clearing of grass. I blinked stupidly. The genin blushed and rubbed the back of neck." Er, what meant was, uh, can you call me that when uh," his face grew redder, "in _p-private?_ "

I gave him an odd look, silently asking for more info becuase what?

"Like just bewteen the two of us. I-I want it to be special, ya know?" Naruto finiched insecurely, looking up at me warily.

He was not expecting what happened next. I squealed and gathered up the shorter boy in my arms.

"Aw, you're just too cute!" The boy managed to wriggle out of my embrace, his ears steaming comically. I winked, "Anything for you, Naruto-nii~."

The jinchuuriki's face colored more, if that was possible, and he swivled around, hastening his pace. I craned my neck and was happy to see a smile on the boy's red face. It was smaller than the ones he'd thrown around previously, but it was genuine. Not that mask he always wore.

I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of the sun on my face as we walked through a small field of flowers. I leaned down and plucked a small purple flower. With deft fingers I sneakily tucked into the shorter Uzumaki's hair behind his ear. I giggled.

"What?" Naruto asked, turning aroud briefly. I whistled innocently and scratched the back of his head.

"Ah, nothing! You're just so cute and-"

"Zaku-chan!" Naruto whined, turning a precious shade of red. Coupled with the flower it made for a very endearing image. I giggled again. Naruto rolled his eyes and grumpily muttered under his breath, shifting his grip on my wrist.

Thankfully we made it to stand in one piece without me bumping or tripping into anything else besides Naruto. And some random chicken, but that's besides the point! The poor guy's heels were probably raw by now. Oops.

Naruto pulled back the flap and I follow him inside the stand.

I mentally screamed in frustration as my eyes took in the three people already inside. My dream of becoming a recluse was fading farther and farther away with each passing moment I spent in this universe.

"What's up, Naruto? Long time no see." Kiba greeted with a toothy grin. Akamaru barked a greeting. I smiled when Hinata blushed and subtly hid behind her burly teammate.

Naruto sat down. "Hey guys! Just showing," he jerked a thumb back at me happily, "Zaku-chan around. This is your first time in Konoha, right?" He, along with Team Eight, turned around to face me. My breath caught in my throat as Kiba, Hinata, and Shino looked at me with unveiled curiosity. Well, Shino was still aloof as ever but I could feel it; the way his chakra reached out towards mine inquistively. Woah, that felt weird.

It looks like someone wanted to give me another heart attack today. I realized everybody was still waiting for me to answer and I quickly nodded, my red ponytail whipping around and smacking me right in the face.

"Ah! Stupid hair." I mumbled and swiped my hair to the side. I wasn't used to having this much hair yet. I'll probably get it cut later.

Naruto and Kiba snickered as I slumped into my seat in embarrassment. Why do these things always happen to me?

Naruto leaned over the counter and shouted into the kitchen, "Two large bowls of miso ramen, Teuchi-jiji!"

An older man whom I recognized as Teuchi popped his head out.

"Coming right up, Naruto!" He hollered back, going back inside to prepare the meals. Naruto rubbed the back of head sheepishly and turned to me.

"Hehe, I thought maybe you'd like to eat the same thing as me, ya know, since it's your first time."

I scratched my cheek and yawned, feeling drained from todays dose of stress.

"Nah, it's fine, Naruto-chan. You do what you think is best and I'll follow you." Something glimmered in his eyes but he looked away before I could discern the emotion. I shrugged. Probably the glint of a hungry, pubescent boy.

Kiba looked at me and offered a friendly smile. "First time in Konoha, huh? Must be pretty awesome!" I smiled back, already liking the kid more than I did before.

I shall repeat: SO AWESOME MEETING MY FAVORITE ANIME CHARACTERS! SQUEE!

"Yes, Konoha is very pretty," I said, beating my inner fangirl into submission. Kiba beamed with pride for his village. Hinata poked her head out from behind his shoulder and glanced in Naruto's direction before looking at me. I made sure to smile kindly and smothered the urge to glomp the girl. So cute. Out of the whole main cast she was always the most relatable character for me. Her insecurities and unjust treatment inside her home reminded me of myself when I was her age.

"P-please forgive me for a-asking but where are y-you from, ninja-san?" She stuttered. Her eyes looked up at the headband and the symbol shining proudly in the stand's low lighting. This seemed to pique Shino's interest and the boy turned his body towards the conversation slightly.

I blinked. Guess even with the byakugan off, the Hyuuga were incredibly observant.

"Me? Oh well I don't think you've heard of it." I scratched my head and looked down, grief tightening my throat. It truly was a terrible thing to have happened. _Naruto_ wasn't just some show anymore, it's my reality now. The complete genocide of a clan and its whole village was an unspeakable horror. Something I still hadn't wrapped my mind around. However, even if I couldn't really process it, its effects were no laughing matter. Look at what happened to Sasuke and Itachi, for starters! Nothing like the eradication of all you know to drive you completely mad with grief.

"My village isn't around anymore, actually," I replied. "It was destroyed during the second war a really long time ago."

Everybody's eyes widened, but nobody's eyes could compare to Hinata's. They were like big, lavender moons on her face.

The bluenette bowed her head. "I a-apologize, s-stranger-san! I-I-" I held up a hand to stop the poor girl before she exploded due to sheer embarrassment. I chuckled to ease the tension. It wasn't Hinata's fault, Uzu's destruction wasn't common knowledge. I only knew all this stuff because I'm a _Naruto_ dweeb.

"Don't worry about it. All wounds heal with time."

Hinata slowly lifted her head. I smiled to reassure her that it was okay and that I wasn't going to smite her for the perceived 'insult'.

"If you guys really want to know I'm from the land of Whirlpools. Er, my memory is still kinda fuzzy so," I motioned to my head, "everything's kinda jumbled up in there, at the moment. I don't remember much about my homeland or myself, really." This was pretty much the same excuse I'd given to the Hokage and to the ANBU who'd been assigned to investigate my claims. After a few blood tests, head scan, and a light interrogation the docots concurred that I appeared to have a minor form of amensia due to emotional trauma or maybe I'd hit my head when I'd gotten trapped back at the ruins. Which could have been true had I not been some interdimesional, body-hopping reincarnated grad student.

Hinata was looking at me in sympathy and Naruto was crying silently in the background. I sweatdropped. Shino remained as cool as ever, but I could hear a faint chirping sound coming from what I believe to be his kikaichuu.

Kiba was the most unfazed, probably not having understood the magnitude of my situation or just used to rolling with the punches.

He whistled, "Woah. That _was_ a long time ago."

Naruto was sniffled, uncharastically quiet and staring at my headband. I reached over over and ruffled his hair in reassurance much to the boy's complaint.

" _Zaku-chan~_!" He whined. "What gives- _Yatta!_ Food's here!" I rolled my eyes at the boy's attention span as Teuchi came in with two large steaming bowls.

"Here's your ramen-" Teuchi stared at me in shock, setting down the bowls with a clatter. "K-Kushina?" The man stuttered in disbelief.

I blinked in confusion. What'd he just call me? Kushina? But isn't that like Naruto's mom-

oh.

Then realization dawned on me.

 _"Ahhhh,_ _fudge balls! I totally forgot Naruto's mom used to worship this place. Gah, I forgot we look so alike!"_ Gotta do some damage control and quick!

"Er, no," I said awkwardly, "I think you have me mistaken for someone else."

"O-Oh, my apologies." His eyes lingered on me before he turned to Naruto who remained unawares. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your new freind, Naruto?"

Sly bastard.

The genin placed his arms behind his head and grinned. "This is Zaku-chan, dattebayo!" He wiped his nose, beaming happily. The pure joy radiating from him melted my heart.

I bowed my head slightly, "Uzumaki Zaku. Pleasure to meet you!" I chirped.

Naruto grinned, "She's pretty cool, huh?" I shrugged shyly.

Team Eight stared collectively at Naruto in shock. Teuchi simply made 'oh' sound and went back inside. Probably thinking something along the lines of, 'I'm too old for this shit.'

"Thanks for the food!" Naruto exclaimed. The boy turned his attention to his bowl without noticing his three classmate's bewilderment. Suddenly all four pairs of eyes turned to ogle at me. Naruto, like the oblivious idiot he is, began scarfing down his precious ramen like it was nobody's business, leaving me to fend off a sea of enlarged eyeballs. Even Shino was gawking.

Sweat slid down my face as I spoke, "Err, um, w-why are you all looking at me like that?" Sweat trickled down my neck. I so wasn't ready for this! Why'd Naruto have to go and spill beans right now? Not that I could blame him, though. I would have done the same if I'd just found out that there used to be a whole clan of me's. "You're making- um, just s-stop staring at me l-like that, 'ttebaru!" I exclaimed, shielding my face.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

I blinked. Once. Twice. Thrice. The world was silent for a moment, the only sound being Naruto as he noisily inhaled his food.

 _"_ _Hold on a mother-bleeping second…did I just say-"_

"'Dattebaru?" Kiba said to himself, nose wrinkling up in confusion. Naruto looked up from his bowl and squinted at the other genin team.

"What's wrong? Why are you guys all staring at Zaku-chan like that?"

"No offense or anything, Naruto, but I thought you were an orphan." Kiba said, eyeing me closely. Akamaru leaned over and sniffed my hair.

Naruto shrugged his shoulders, "Yeah. I guess." He replied almost offhandedly, but I saw the way he glanced at me unsurely. I frowned. What was that? He'd seemed pretty happy when he found we related. Why would he say-

Hold on sec. I thought back on our earlier conversation and Naruto's reservation of me calling him '-niisan'. I gave the blonde an irritated look. Did the kid really think... that I...was he not saying anything becuase he thought I would be... _ashamed of him?_ 'Cause of the nine-tails?

Oh hell no. Nu-uh. Not on my watch.

I sighed, breathing in deeply. I could hear my heart drumming in my ears. This is it. No going back. My heart gave a particualry loud thump. Kiba and Akamaruto perked up, eyeing me oddly.

Stupid ninja hearing. I swear, one of these days the damn thing is going to explode.

"Actually, Naruto never was an orphan. Not really." Team Eight gave me a puzzled look. I continued before they could ask, "Even if I had died during the invasion all those years ago he would've still had family, regardless." I said, trying to remember everything I could garner from the chopped up memories in my head. It was pretty cool, actually. Seeing the things that the original owner of my body had experienced. It was like collage of live images, each one telling a story. The most recent were ones were downright horrifying. I felt bile creep up my throat as the unbidden image of a small charred corpse filled my mind's eye.

Shino spoke for the first time, distracting me from the unpleasant memories, "What do you mean, Uzumaki-san?" I swallowed and took in a deep breath.

"What I'm trying to say is, and this is strictly confidential, like an S-ranked secret so don't go running your mouths." I said, giving everyone, even Teuchi (who was not so subtly eavesdropping), a stern look. "Naruto's last name wasn't just given to him. It's his birthright. Our clan never died, even if the village fell. There just so few of us scattered around that everyone forgotten about us."

I chanced a loo at Naruto. He had a thoughtful look, his body still for once. I blinked. He looks so much like Minato. It was actually kinda freaky how much of a mini-Minato clone Naruto was. At least physically because personality-wise he was a perfect mirrir image of his mother. I smiled to myself, thinking about the two. Naruto was such a perfect blend of the power couple.

"Does t-that mean there, um, is an Uzumaki clan?" Hinata asked.

I nodded my head, "Yup! Although I'm not about our status." I mean me and Naruto were here. Plus, Karin and Nagato were out there somewhere. Technically the Uzumaki clan was still up and kicking, but on the other hand everybody was pretty convinced the clan was extinct.

"Wait! How come we've never heard of this 'Uzumaki clan' before?" Kiba asked. The dark-haired boy leaned in closley, invading my personal bubble. I shrank back, not really used to confrontation. "How do we know you aren't lying and this is just another one of Naruto's stupid pranks?"

Hinata gasped. "Kiba-kun!" She looked absolutley scandalized at the blatant accusation of her crush.

My head felt fuzzy and my body felt weirdly dettached from the rest of me. It felt a lot that dark place I'd been in before receiving my second chance.

I saw Naruto's fist clench tightly around his chopsticks. His lip curled up in a snarl and he opened his mouth.

 _SNAP!_

Whatever the boy was going to say was lost. The four genin looked down at the splintered remains of my chopsticks.

Akamaru whimpered. Anger, hot and pulsing, bubbled up my chest. I barely registered the dull roar in the mind over the pulsing of blood in my ears. I was angry, no scratch that, I was absolutley _livid._

There was a reason the world had feared the Uzumaki. Still feared it, if it's continued persecution was anything to go by.

Shino's insects were buzzing so loudly the ramen stand was shaking. The stall owner wisely retreated. Hinata looked bewteen me and her teammates worriedly.

"S-Shino-kun? What's wrong-" I stood up, silencing the girl.

All was quiet, the noise of the marketplace quieting. No one dared to move.

My heartbeat and the rush of blood was all I heard. Akamaru retreated as far as he could in his master's hood.

I was scared. My body no longer felt like it was mine. There was something or...somone else...here...

My fists were clenched tightly at my sides. Flashes of strangers, no, _comrades, friends, and family_ dropping lifelessly to ground struck me without mercy. Hot, saltly tears leaked down my whsikered cheeks. I could feel my rage spiking along with my chakra. I grit my teeth, trying and failing to repress the sudden surge of memories that threatened to break what little control I had.

 _"The little shit is going to **pay** for that_ _!?"_ A voice screamed in mind. Akamaru whimpered again in fear as furious chakra began leaking out of my body in small waves. Shino's kikaichuu were casuing his body to practcally vibrate with their intensity.

You could almost hear them. _Danger. Danger. Danger. DANGER. DANGER!_

With a growl, I stuck my face right in front of the Inuzuka's. Now we were nose to nose. Kiba stayed put, his eyes wide in fear.

 _"Good. Be afraid, pup."_

A snarl pulled back my lips, exposing my teeth.

"How _dare_ you?" I hissed furiously. "I watched my entire village fall to the ground. My home, completely destroyed. My clan slaughter in front of me. Everyone I ever knew: neighbors, friends, family all picked off like flies _._ So, no, this isn't some _prank_." I spat the last word with distaste. It took a bit of effort to reel back my chakra.

"I only wished it was." I whispered and collasped back down on my seat. I drew in gasp of air, feeling coming back to body, my mind clearing away the fog that had settled there. My chakra retreated. I was left feeling exhausted.

I steadied my breaths and shakily grabbed a new pair of chopsticks. Naruto stared at me as I picked idly at my food. Everyone was quiet, too quiet.

I swallowed nervously. You could cut the tension with a spoon. Guilt creeped up on me. They were just kids. Kiba hadn't known what he was talking about. That was no excuse for whatever the hell just happened.

Kiba looked down at the table looking like a scolded puppy. Shino was quiet. Hinata looked petrified. I grimaced. Man, I really need to work on reigning that in. This new temper of mine was gonna get me heaps of trouble. Looking at the young ninjas only made me feel worse. I had probably given them all a mental third-degree burn. Kiba, especially, poor guy looked like I had kicked Akamaru. But that angry pouty face was totally adorable.

I shook my head and smiled, turning to the three quiet genin.

"But don't sweat it, dog-san." I said, smiling wider at Kiba's annoyed expression. The mood lightened. Naruto chortled at the nickname and Hinata giggled shyly. I could have swore I heard a puff of air come from Shino.

"As I was saying earlier, when Uzu was attacked we managed to evacuate some of our clan members so Naruto never really was alone." I said, ruffling the kid's blonde hair. So soft! The four genin relaxed and turned back to their respective dishes. Akamaru warily poked his nose out.

I sighed in relief and slurped up some noodles. My eyes bugged out once the taste hit my tongue.

Before I could stop myself I was shouting, "PRAISE THE LOG! THIS STUFF IS FUCKING AWESOME, 'TTEBARU!"

Sure, I've had the microwavable _Maru-chan_ and some mall ramen before but this stuff was incredible! The noodles were cooked to utter perfection, soft and chewy, and the broth was heavenly with a complimentary mix of spices. I've never tasted anything this yummy! Just like that the empty space in my heart was slowly being filled to the brim with lovely ramen. I could get used to this, maybe this second chance wasn't a complete bust.

Kiba guffawed at my reaction, slapping the counter and almost dropping his own bowl of ramen. I eyed the noodles with concern. My fingerd twitched towards the dish.

"Hahahaha! Yeah, she's Naruto's pack alright!" The dark-eyed boy snickered. Hinata giggled more confidently. Shino's shoulders sagged in relief as his insect finally settled.

Naruto grinned proudly, preening like a peacock.

"I knew you'd like it!" He said, finishing his fourth bowl. "Ramen is the best! Especially Ichiraku"s ramen."

Ayame came over and set down a fifth bowl at the boy's request.

I nodded fervently in agreement and immediately asked Ayame for two more bowls. Looks like we were going to be here for a while. The rest of Konoha could wait.

Kiba grinned ferally. He was happy that the mood had picked up.

"I guess ramen runs in the family, huh?"

I shrugged, mouth too busy to say anything. Honestly, I think it does run in the family. I reverently took my two bowls of ramen from Ayame. The girl shot me an amused look before heading off into the kitchen.

I turned to face Team Eight who were all in various stages of eating their first bowl. I blinked and realized we had never been properly introduced. Better later than never. Well, I'd known their names all along, but didn't need to know that. I'm _reeeeeally_ trying to avoid Anko and Ibiki. Those two could send Freddy Krueger and the rest of the classic horror genre gang a run for their money.

"So what are your names, dog-san, puppy-san, bug-san, and moon-san?" I asked. Naruto snickered at the nicknames.

Kiba growled at him, but stuck out his chest proudly.

"I'm Kiba Inuzuka from the Inuzuka Clan. My clan specializes in working with ninken." He patted the white puppy's head. "This is my ninken, Akamaru!" Akamaru barked from his place atop Kiba's head. I nodded and bowed my head.

"Nice to meet you, Kiba-kun, Akamaru-kun." I said politely and looked at the two other members of Team Eight.

Hinata squirmed at the sudden attention and poked her index fingers together. "I'm Hinata Hyuuga, from the Hyuuga clan." She stood up and bowed formally. "It's a p-pleasure to meet y-you, Uzumaki-san." I smiled and bowed along with her.

"You can call me by my first name." I scratched my cheek in embarrassment. "Makes me feel weird. I'm not _that_ old, ya know." I blinked. "Oh, wait. I am."

I looked down and laughed at the ex-heiress's puzzled expression.

"O-Okay," her expression became pinched, "Zaku-san...?"

"Ah, that's good." I smiled, feeling pleased. It was a little more formal than what I'd like but oh well.

Shino inclined his head in greeting, "Shino Aburame, heir to the Aburame Clan." He said. I nodded and the five of us ate in companionable slience (nothing like before, thank god.). Well, it was mostly slient, save for Naruto and Kiba getting into a heated argument about which one of them was the better ninja. Hinata's timid attempts at peacemaking were futile. Shino eventually snapped at the two when they'd tried to recruit Hinata in the arguemnt, asking her which one of the was the best. I thought the poor girl was going to faint.

After wolfing down another four bowls, choking on a fishcake, and having Hinata save my life by jyuukening the breath out of me, I was finally ready to head over to my new home.

"Bye, guys!" Naruto yelled, waving enthusiastically at his classmates and the two shop owners. I waved back, albeit not as energetic. I doubt anybody had more energy than Mr. Sunshine over here. Together we made the trek to Naruto's apartment complex.


End file.
